Heartbreak Over Breakfast
by sakachan
Summary: Seishirou breaks up with Subaru. How will Subaru deal with the loss of the man he loves for the second time? Pairings: SubaruxSeishirou Warnings: yaoi, heartache, lots of angst, etc...
1. Dejeuner du Matin

Disclaimers:  
  
'X' belongs to the wonderful girls of CLAMP manga, as well as Viz manga (which may not be true anymore, but let's put their names anyway!)  
  
"Déjeuner du Matin" was written by Jacques Prévert. The way it is used here is just one interpretation of the poem. There are many other interpretations, however.  
  
  
  
Note: "Déjeuner du Matin" is used as a prelude to "Cup of Coffee." It sets up the story a little better, though in truth the story could survive on its own without "Déjeuner du Matin." However, I like it, and it stays. So there! :-P  
  
  
  
Déjeuner du Matin  
  
(Lunch of the Morning)  
  
  
  
Seishirou Sakurazuka pours himself a cup of warm black coffee. Instead of taking it black, as he usually does, he pours a little bit of milk into the cup, adding a spoonful of sugar along with it. He stirs it, without a word to his companion, Subaru Sumeragi. Strangely, Subaru looks as if he is about to cry. Seishirou, however, looks completely content as he lifts the dark green coffee mug to his lips and takes a drink.  
  
The pouring rain outside the café where he and Subaru sit pounds against the glass of the small building. The place is filled with Japanese and tourists alike, all inside to get away from the stinging spring rain. No one is out on the streets, save for a few brave motorists and completely insane pedestrians.  
  
Without looking at Subaru, Seishirou lights a cigarette, his usual brand of Lucky Sevens. The pale smoke wraps around his head as he blows it through his dry lips. He taps the ashes from the end of his cigarette into a nearby ashtray.  
  
After a moment or two, he gets up from his seat. He removes his trademark black trenchcoat from the coatrack at the entrance to the café. He turns to look at Subaru, whose dark green eyes are slowly welling with tears. "Goodbye, Subaru-kun," he says, bowing his head. He steps out into the rain, sans an umbrella, and walks off in the direction of Ueno.  
  
Subaru, ignoring the stares of some of the patrons of the café, placed his head into his hands and began to sob quietly. "Why, Seishirou?" he spoke with strained. "Why don't you love me anymore?"  
  
Owari, part one  
  
  
  
* * *  
  
  
  
Déjeuner du Matin  
  
by Jacques Prévert  
  
Il a mis le café  
  
Dans la tasse  
  
Il a mis le lait  
  
Dans la tasse de café  
  
Il a mis le sucre  
  
Dans le café au lait  
  
Avec le petite cuiller  
  
Il a tourné  
  
Il a bu le café au lait  
  
Et il a reposé la tasse  
  
Sans me parler  
  
Il a allumé  
  
Une cigarette  
  
Il a fait des ronds  
  
Avec la fumée  
  
Il a mis les cendres  
  
Dans le cendrier  
  
Sans me parler  
  
Sans me regarder  
  
Il s'est levé  
  
Il a mis  
  
Son chapeau sur sa tLte  
  
Il a mis  
  
Son manteau de pluie  
  
Parce qu'il pleuvait  
  
Et il est parti  
  
Sous la pluie  
  
Sans une parole  
  
Sans me regarder  
  
Et moi, j'ai pris  
  
Ma tLte dans ma main  
  
Et j'ai pleuré  
  
  
  
Translation  
  
(Note: I did the translation myself (second-year French student), so it's not as good as could be done by a French student of higher knowledge, but this is the best that I can do. I translated it to the best that it would make sense, so it's not the exact translation, but it's the basic meaning.) ~saka-chan  
  
He poured the coffee  
  
Into the cup  
  
He put milk  
  
Into the cup of coffee  
  
He put sugar  
  
Into the coffee with milk  
  
With the coffee spoon  
  
He stirred the coffee  
  
He drank the coffee with milk  
  
And he rested the cup down  
  
Without speaking to me  
  
He lit a cigarette  
  
He formed circles  
  
With the smoke  
  
He put the ashes  
  
Into the ashtray  
  
Without speaking to me  
  
Without looking at me  
  
He got up  
  
He put his hat on his head  
  
He put on his raincoat  
  
Because it was raining  
  
And he left  
  
Beneath the rain  
  
Without a word  
  
Without looking at me  
  
And me, I took  
  
My head into my hand  
  
And I cried 


	2. Cup of Coffee

Disclaimers:  
  
'X' belongs to the wonderful girls of CLAMP manga, as well as Viz manga (which may not be true anymore, but let's put their names anyway!)  
  
"Cup of Coffee" is property of Garbage and its subsidiaries. If you ever get the chance, listen to this song, and the rest of the songs on the "Beautiful" CD that the group recently put out.  
  
Note: "Déjeuner du Matin" is used as a prelude to "Cup of Coffee." It sets up the story a little better, though in truth the story could survive on its own without "Déjeuner du Matin." However, I like it, and it stays. So there!  
  
:-P  
  
  
  
  
  
Cup Of Coffee  
  
  
  
[Subaru POV]  
  
  
  
//You tell me you don't love me  
  
Over a cup of coffee  
  
And I just have to look away//  
  
  
  
It was two weeks ago that he told me it was over. That he didn't love me anymore. That he didn't want to see me for a while. It's no secret that I cried, just like I did when I was sixteen, the first time he told me he didn't love me. You'd think I would have learned my lesson the first time. But still, it's Seishirou. . . who couldn't love him, even after all the bastardly things he does for his own personal pleasure?  
  
  
  
//A million miles between us  
  
Planets crash into dust  
  
I just let it fade it away//  
  
  
  
He's been gone since that fateful day. And, just like when I was younger, I became completely dead to the world. Nothing could affect me. Nothing mattered anymore.  
  
  
  
//I'm walking empty streets  
  
Hoping we might meet  
  
I see your car parked on the road//  
  
  
  
I find myself going out at night more and more, to Ueno. I look for him, any sign of him, but to no avail. Sometimes I think I see him hovering around a group of young teenage girls out too late at night, but realize it's just a figment of my imagination.  
  
  
  
//The light on at your window  
  
I know for sure that you're home  
  
But I just have to pass on by//  
  
  
  
You probably know, Seishirou, that I've passed by your apartment building on my way home. Going to your place after work became habit while we were together. I guess it's a habit I just can't break. But I know you can feel my presence. And I can feel yours. I see the lights on in the window sometimes. Sometimes I see the glare from the television. But I know that I'm not allowed to go up to your room. How ironic that at a time when I need the most comforting I can't go near my only comfort. . .  
  
  
  
//So no of course we can't be friends  
  
Not while I'm still this obsessed  
  
I guess I always knew the score  
  
This is how our story ends//  
  
  
  
I wish we could still be friends. But there's so much that stands in our way. After all, you're a Dragon of Earth, and I'm a Dragon of Heaven. I should have known right there that our relationship would never work. But after the first time, I became so obsessed over you that I couldn't stand it anymore. And when you came back after nine years, I forgot everything you did to me in the past. I guess I'm just a sentimental loser. . .  
  
  
  
//I smoke your brand of cigarettes  
  
And pray that you might give me a call  
  
I lie around in bed all day just staring at the walls//  
  
  
  
I find it amusing that right after you left, I picked up your bad habit of smoking. I even started smoking your brand, Lucky Sevens. I guess I needed a small replacement of you to pretend that you had returned.  
  
Every morning I wake up, just staring up at the ceiling. I haven't washed the sheets since the last time we had sex. That was just over two weeks ago. I keep a vigil by the phone on my bed stand. I wait around for hours, hoping and praying that you'll call me up and tell me you want me back. And every night, I realize that I'm filled with false hopes, and go back to sleep.  
  
  
  
//Hanging 'round bars at night  
  
Wishing I had never been born  
  
And give myself to anyone who wants to take me home//  
  
  
  
I've started drinking more, too. I stare into my shot glass of whiskey, or my mug of beer, or whatever tonic I've ordered for myself for the night, and wonder why the gods keep me here, why they put me here in the first place, and if things would have been better had I not been born. I know for a fact that a lot of human suffering would have taken place if I had not been there to rectify it, but then I wonder if it was me all along that caused the suffering.  
  
I've been sleeping around a bit as well. I ran into Fuuma Monou one night, and found myself in pain the next morning. Kamui has tried to make me feel better by spending some nights with me, but finds me in the same condition when he wakes up. I don't know if he's decided to give up on me or what. I can't blame him if he has. I didn't want to be cheered up in the first place.  
  
  
  
//So no of course we can't be friends  
  
Not while I still feel like this  
  
I guess I always knew the score  
  
This is where our story ends//  
  
  
  
Is it any surprise I'm not over yet? There are hundreds of reasons for me to despise you. You killed my sister. You tried to kill me. You broke my heart— twice! You've hurt my friends. You've left my life miserable in your wake. And yet. . . none of that matters compared to the good times we had.  
  
  
  
//You left behind some clothes  
  
My belly somersaults when I pick them off the floor//  
  
  
  
About a week ago I found one of your white dress shirts. I found it beneath the bed while looking for my shoes one afternoon. When I found it, I almost choked on my tears. I picked it up, smelled it, surprised that it still held your scent. I thought about bringing it over to your apartment, but that was just an excuse to see you again. Besides, why give up the only piece I have left of you?  
  
  
  
//My friends all say they're worried  
  
I'm looking far too skinny  
  
I've stopped returning all their calls//  
  
  
  
The other Dragons of Heaven are starting to worry about me, I think. Arashi and Karen look at me with annoyingly sympathetic eyes. Yuzuriha and Sorata try to make me feel better by telling jokes and offering me Pocky. Aoki-san tells me things will look better after awhile, and that I should try moving on. Easy for him— he has a beautiful wife and a darling child! As for Kamui, well, you already know.  
  
When they call, I don't pick up the phone. Thank you, Caller ID. I don't want to waste time talking to them if and when you should call. I know you will someday. . . I hope.  
  
  
  
//And no of course we can't be friends  
  
Not while I'm still so obsessed  
  
I want to ask where I went wrong  
  
But don't say anything at all//  
  
  
  
It's been three weeks since we broke up. I finally called you and told you about the shirt. Aoki-san's right; I need to move on with my life. I need to forget about you, as hard as it will be. You agreed to meet me at the same place where you drew the final cutting blow on us.  
  
As I wait for you, I go over what I want to say to you in my mind. I want to ask if there was anything that I did that made you not love me anymore. All those passionate nights we spent together, when you told me how much you loved me, how much you missed me over the past nine years, were you just lying to me to get me in your bed? But then I think that it's better not to know. There's no answer that would make me feel any better.  
  
  
  
//It took a cup of coffee  
  
To prove that you don't love me//  
  
  
  
I ordered a cup of coffee for you. Black, just the way you like it, with milk and sugar on the side. I hope you find it amusing.  
  
Owari 


End file.
